It's a masochistic pleasure to read newspapers, not every day but once a week, on Sunday, at the height of the weekend, which is one of the most important factors in politics since the beginning of the apocalypse. Whatever good and useful thoughts and decisions begin to burgeon in democratic statesmen on Friday afternoons have begun to evaporate by Saturday afternoon. But tyrants don't have weekends. God created the world in six days, and on the seventh He rested. Peaceful statemen rest on the sixth and seventh. For forty-eight hours they celebrate the Lord's day. They exceed the demands of religion, and they overdo the example set by the Almighty. It's a striking thing that dictators don't play golf. Their Sabbath is not reserved for sport but surprises. Golf plays a considerable responsibility for the end of the civilized world. Napoleon played chess, Prince Eugene played dominoes. Politicians have fewer good ideas on the greens than they once did on the much reviled "green baize". On Christmas 1916, I was at the front. Our divisional staff, the colonel, the company commander, were all getting ready for a well-deserved "breather". They had forgotten that our opponents, the Russians, celebreated Christmas two weeks later than we did. They took advantage of our peaceful celebrations and launched a surprise attack on us, distracted as we were by Christmas lights and pious thoughts. Two weeks later we duly retaliated, but without success, because they were waiting for us. It's a pity the democratic statemen didn't serve at the front, especially the Eastern Front. Dictators always postpone Christmas by a couple of weeks. Democrats are always sticklers for punctual Christmases and punctual Sundays, thanks to which they have been able to celebrate many glorious victories: on the golf course.There's an anecdote in the final chapter of Something of Myself which provides comparable insight. The Times had received by Sunday mail some verses titled 'The Old Volunteer' purporting to be by Kipling, but which to his mind were such an obvious forgery,
- Joseph Roth; from the final section 'From an Author's Diary' of The White Cities: Reports from France 1925-39
[...] the contribution should not have deceived a messenger-boy. Ninthly and lastly, they were wholly unintelligible.
Human nature being what it is, The Times was much more annoyed with me than anyone else, though goodness knows - this, remember, was in '17 - I did not worry them about it, beyond hinting that the usual weekend English slackness, when no-one is in charge, had made the mess.To conclude, Kipling received a visit from a detective, sent by The Times, who more or less suggested that Kipling really was the author not only of the verses but of the letter, sent from himself to himself, for the purposes of publicity. Kipling was so intrigued by the notion that he "forgot to defend my 'injured honour'. The thing had passed out of reason into the Higher Hysterics."
[...] On the heels of my modest disclaimer which appeared, none too conspicuously, in The Times, I [had] a letter in a chaffing vein about 'The Old Volunteer' from a non-Aryan who had never much appreciated me; and the handwriting of it, coupled with the subtlety of choosing a weekend (as the Hun had chosen August Bank Holiday of '14) for the work, plus the Oriental detachedness and insensitiveness of playing that sort of game in the heart of a life-and-death struggle, made me suspect him more than a little. He is now in Abraham's bosom, so I shall never know.
Incidentally, that casual anti-Semitism of Kipling's recalls a line of dialogue from Chariots of Fire:
Master of Trinity: There goes your Semite, Hugh. A different God; a different mountain-top.
A quantum of solace from the Father of Humanism himself, Petrarch:
"[...]all those who have been, are, or shall be, seized by this passionate and diseased craving to write."Later in the same letter, Petrarch says, "The favour of humanity begins with the author's decease; the end of life is the beginning of glory." Or, as Gore Vidal observed pithily upon Truman Capote's death: "Good career move."